weekends throw me

long weekends, especially – not that i’m having one this weekend…

i do better with things that have to get done (like work) than many things that could get done.  i used to be a teacher thinking that i would like summers off – but i didn’t – usually ended up thinking i was depressed or something. (oh, teachers don’t get summers off, by the way, they have to wrap up the previous year and prep for the next year)

so, today, i slept in a bit, got up, sent the girls on their way for some sister time for em’s b’day, did some yoga, watched “cheerleader nation” (first timer), 1.5 loads of laundry (so far), loaded and ran the dishwasher (forgot the 2 glasses sitting right here in front of the keyboard) and am now blogging.

we’re headed to friend’s house to watch bball around 5, so i have about 4 hours and 50 minutes to do all of the other things i could do.  utterly overwhelming.  and i do this every weekend. (well, that we aren’t having to do something else)

it’s probably why i enjoy working outside of the home more than at home – i feel like things have to get done, and i get them done, and that feels good.  at home, i don’t even know where to start.  there are so many things that need to get done, but time, finances, energy impact and they never seem to move to the have to get done category.

if you ask bill, he will say advice is futile – almost 20 yrs of it he’s given me. 

if i take a shower right now, and shave my legs, i might have just enough time to go have a pedicure…

totally useless

kids these days

on monday, i was on the computer (general family use downstairs) and erin had forgotten to log out of her AOL IM account. so i get a pop up window from psychoboy02 (which of course means that there are at least two others out there).

then the words pop up, “erin motherfu%*&n bean … how are you doing?”

i chuckled and said – “nope, erin’s mom here – how are you doing?” we actually had a nice minute and a half chat

everyone i’ve told this too says too bad i didn’t say “nope erin’s mother fu%*&n mother here” – oh well, not fast on my fingers.

erin and i laughed about it the next day – it’s hard to watch your children emerge into adults.  it’s easy to see why my mother FREAKED OUT!  she is every bit as wonderful as the youngest bean.  she keeps her struggles more to herself and, what i really admire is, when they peek out, she is honest about them.

peace to you and yours

lunch with a friend

had lunch with a friend today – some of you have met her… she is a long, tall drink of water.

she’s struggling right now to see how religion fits into things, not sure that “religion” is all that necessary. i almost agree with her – especially in the way she is thinking of it. she would probably use church and religion interchangeably, right now.

i asked her if it were possible that church/religion (in the way she is using it) is really just how man connects to man, not how man connects to God? by defining myself as someone who believes in jesus, really, i’m defining my connection to another person who believes (and, i would argue, largely serves identification purposes here on earth.) she seemed to “connect” with those thoughts.

i connect to God not necessarily “through” the church/religion. though the memorial service for chad did evoke a connected feeling in me. it seems like my connection to god comes through people and his word, primarily. in that way, i guess “religion” as defined by churches on the corner or denominations aren’t all that necessary for me.

by the way – the story that got me at the memorial was how Chad’s dad shaved him the first time and then for the last time – gone, i was gone.

were it not for people, left only with his word – i don’t think i would be able to continue this pursuit. i’m pretty confident of it.

(oh, and i’m not trying to be a theologian here, just some stream of consciousness stuff…)

hit the reset button

my counselor said recently that we underestimate the power of “starting over” that is part of the message of the gospel.  we don’t have to swim around in penance or feel badly, we can just hit the reset button.

so, i’m hitting the reset button on a few things – to start with, prioritizing my relationships.  this blog is part of that prioritization.