so much for availability

i'm trying not to despair -

you all know that my job is nuts.  i work for a nut.  we work in the nutty insurance industry.  my schedule is also nuts.

 and this week, we fired one of the 2 other people who does my job.  (cricket chirp, cricket chirp)

yes, that's the sound of me standing flat footed with my mouth hanging open.  what the hell am i going to do.  that may be just my first dramatic response, but reality hit today as i spent 7 hours at the office (with a 30 min lunch break) and only got through what had to be done for monday. 

i need some people to walk with me the next 8-12 weeks while we figure out what to do.  i need people to pray for my husband because we're going to have to have a new definition of partnership.

there is opportunity and i'm good at what i do – now, i have to find efficency.

to stay connected to my family, i'm going to get back into preparing the meals and doing the food shopping.  i know that sounds so silly, but working 50-60 challenges how much cooking you can actually do. 

stopping working is not currently an option – were our finances different, perhaps i could choose, but i also have this unique opportunity as i work with one of my best friends, bryan, who is also in my community, another gal in my community and about 12 other people who i have a great deal of love for.

i'm not going anywhere – i just need to figure out how to stay here and not come unglued.

love you all…

no

not that anybody asked me, but if someone asked if i thought it was a good idea for mark to move on now, i would say – no.

and if you asked me if i understand why things like this happen, i would say – no.

do i think that this is the way things ought to be? – no.

what about the idea that i believe God allowed this – no, i do not.

do i think that our prayers for him failed – no.

will his story be less powerful because he did not live or was not healed? no – absolutely not.

do i think we will see him again -

YES!

is that good enough to quiet my sadness about Mark's death? 

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